Today Story

Geram...benci...tak suka...sedih..kecewa..nak menangis...nak lempang...semua perasaan ni saya alami pada hari ni. Napa mcm ni? huuuuu....asyik mengeluh saja saya kebelakangan ni. Lama-lama sesungut boleh tumbuh kat kepala ni. Tapi syukur juga sebab saya dapat merasai semua perasaan ni, sebab apa? sebab saya sedar saya ni hanyalah manusia normal. Kalau tak reti nak marah, menangis itu bukan manusia normal tu, itu manusia luar biasa tu. Silalah ikut rentetan story saya hari ini;

Pagi

Saya bangun dalam jam 7.33am...dengan ceria tau (wajib tau kena ceria waktu bgun, biasalah amalkan amalan awet muda) wlwpn tekak agak sakit & kepala berdenyut-denyut. Mandi, selepas mandi, bagi Si Sin & si Chan tu makan..siap-siap...gerak g Zurich (atau dulu nama dia MAA, dorg dh rebranding tau, baru saja dorg tukar nama ni, dalam bln April thun ni). Sampai sana, mcm biasa kena cari Mr. Ang tu, lepas tu buka BOE, buka report yg saya dh modify semlm sebab alignment dia lari, huh...sedih..kecewa semua separuh saja tersave. Agak kecewalah sebab kena buat balik.Adui...adui..adui. Yang lagi sadis...server mak aik...lambat sgt tau, Siput pn cepat dari server tu, bygkn just nk tmbh table pun nak amik masa dlm 10 minit. Bengang..mood dh rosak kt cni. Adoi....spoil my mood n day btl server ni. 

Afternoon 

Dlm jam 11 lebih mcm tu, my manager yg perasan dia tu bagus sgt dtg..buat muka comel-comel. I told him what the issues and he take a look lah kununnya...sebab dia ni jenis org yg tak ada kesabaran yg tinggi, dia bkn main g restart,stopped...refresh server tu, masa ni saya dh nampak dh muka dia sgt tension & kelat. And u know what he blame me??? what the F*** dia ckp i did't do anything yesterday. Can u imagine that??? my jantung terus berdetak kuat, menahan gelora marah...sedapnya engkau cakap aku tak buat kerja. Do u think what i respond to him after he said rude like that? I diam...i don't wanna argue with him, because whatever i tell him, he still did't believe that. And then he ask me...u buat apa dekat sini semlm, satu report pun u tak buat?? I menjawab...i do la...but i dunno why the report that i modify yesterday did't save. Selepas tu dia ckp, u xsave mcm na nak save...kepala hotak dia..i save it..i save it.. i click the save button. N then xsampai sejam dia blah balik office...sebelum balik tu dia sempat pesan mcm-mcm. 

After that, i went to lunch alone at cafe..i order hot chocolate & and spaghetti mince chicken bolognese. Inilah buruknya bila moody, mknan sedap pun xhabis. xsampai separuh...btl2 perasaan saya masa ni agak terguris...mcm saya ni useless bila dia ckp mcm tu.

Evening

After lunch i continue my task...hoping i can modify 10 report for today, but so frustrated because the server is very slow..slow..slow until i can't do anything than waiting..waiting..waiting for the server loading...loading..loading. Dalam jam 3 ptg, si perempuan perasan bagus pula dtg, tanya tu tanya ni, n then u know something she said the guy yg perasan bgus juga 2 tell her that i did't do anything yesterday..i just coming to Zurich goyang kaki. WTF btl...she membebel a lot, my ear seems like nak meletup dat time..yg paling sedih she tell me that the guy also told my big boss about this matter. Motif? i also dun have any idea why he doing like that...oo dia nk bgtau boss yg org lain teruk & dia sorg the best, hebat, mantap....nak muntah i. Selepas tu, dat girl pun membebel...dia nmpk server respond sgt slow, dia balik2 suh saya restart balik server 2..nak brapa kali ni restart? And u know what the bangang thing she do?? dia nak shut down the server...i already told her, u cannot lah shut down dlm ni, nanti server shut down juga..wlwpn kita just remote desktop tp still mcm kita yg shut down server 2. Dia xpercaya...dia rasa dia btl saya salah...dia shut down the server trough remote desktop...pastu panggil manager BI Zurich 2, pastu manager ni pun mcm pening-pening lalat ckit. he also forgot which one the IP Address yg dia nk remote. i told him...and he ask again..sure or not & n then the perempuan sewel ni start mrh-mrh saya...u what she saying infront of the manager?? she said i'm useless, not profesional, bla bla..Saya dh panas dh. Api kalau dh menyala xpyh g siram dengan minyak lagi...dia dtg n we can't remote desktop the server...and he go check the server and come to us back n ask are u shut down the server just now?? he ask me weh...maybe he thought i yg buat benda 2...that girl diam. And then u know what next?? she blame me because i did't told her bout that. Walawei...i dh ckp apa...dia yg buat juga. Dia salahkan saya wei because need to wait a few minute to server start back. Selepas tu dia membebel-bebel dengan saya...saya dah x tahan i menjawab..."u cakap mcm ni i rasa mcm i ni useless sgt, kalau u dh rasa mcm ni, apa kata u buat sume kerja...and i told u seriously..after this project i dun wanna be involved any project. this is my last project." Saya mmg dh ketat kt sini..ni blum separuh g saya kuarkan marah dlm hati ni. Nada suara saya mc rendah...thanks God, Dia bg saya kelebihan utk mengawal marah. After that...i balik. dlm perjalanan balik itu jatuh juga sedua setiga seempat titik air mata mahal saya...bg saya air mata saya sgt mahal utk saya titiskan. kalau saya menitiskan airmata tu, tu mmg petanda saya sgt terluka. 

Masa dalam LRT, she text me...sila baca tau text dia ni...bg korg saya nak maafkan x?

"Sorry if just now i marah u and fierce on u...sorry sorry" I did't want to reply...saya bkn hipokrit tiba-tiba nak reply "it's okay, i did't touching, i forgive u...i apologize too" no no...saya bukan org mcm ni. Saya org yg pemaaf tetapi bila diri saya betul-betul ikhlas nak maafkan org tu, xkan saya ckp saya dh maafkan tp dlm hati n otak saya mc marah g. btl X? Saya xnak reply msg dia..serious nk muntah baca msg dia.

Night

Nak hampir jam 10 dat girl calling me...dlm 2 3 kali but i dun want to pick up. 1st time dia call...saya angkat sebab she using other no. Because i dunno who call i pick up but i did't say anything even hello...mmg saya mcm ni, kalau no x dikenali call saya, saya akan angkat tp senyap je sampai org 2 ckp hello.... bila saya angkat saya dengar suara dia..i biar saja..i letak phone kt tepi. wat bodoh. 2nd time she call..i also wat bodoh. 3rd time she call..i ask my housemate to pick up and said that i already sleep. What a joke girl..saya pn xtau apa yg dia nk ckp either dia nk minta maaf ke, nak suruh buat kerja ke nk inform something bout kerja or office. Whatever...saya dlm mood hibernate...really lazy to layan. Kalau dia guilty pun...apa-apalah. And dun regret i akan tetap bersikap dingin selepas ni...less word...less work...less active. no more drama. 

Moral of today story: biarlah memaafkan org itu betul-btul ikhlas dan bukan atas dasar kasihan or nak jaga hati. Lagi berdosa kalau hipokrit tp mc menyimpan dalam hati. Sekarang what i need is time to heal my broken heart. cewah mcm ayat putus cinta pula.

enough is enough..i cross out now. bye